In the last few days, I have been going through more things and deciding what to let go of, and how to do it. My friend Chris helped me clear out my storage unit, which has saved my grandfather’s steamer trunk that he immigrated here from Sicily with. There were two, but one was lost to…I don’t know what. (I heard my mom got rid of it, but I can’t evidence that…and all happens as it should…) Anyway, I did save this one. I’ve had it for years now. In my storage unit, there were also a number of plastic bins full of holiday decorations. Most of these don’t mean what they used to anymore, and I am working on offering them to friends and folks who would appreciate them more. A few pieces have been claimed, most have not. By next weekend, they will be gone.
Here is the interesting thing. These are things. Objects. I have the memories, I have the pictures, even. And yet, it seems more challenging to let these things go than I thought they would be. Or…I thought it would be and just didn’t want to do it until now. I also had dreams of a larger home again someday, and I wanted these things on display as … I don’t know … I guess as a part of my history. I guess I have thought that these objects would be a history trail of some sort. OR…there are just emotional attachments to some of these things. And letting go of them feels like letting go of the emotion that the object represents. Now, that seems inaccurate, doesn’t it?
For example, a series of fantasy stories that my dear friend Mike introduced me to….I believe I have mentioned this series before in here. Was there still an emotional attachment to that set of books given my history with Mike? Our friendship? My early love for him? It is interesting that the thought of letting the books go was more emotional than the actual doing of it. Right?
The letting go of so many dear holiday decorations is, I believe, a part of the shift in belief systems. It is another level of that. And I do believe it is affecting me in at least two ways. One, I want this clutter out of the Manse! But also, I miss the lovely – if short term – feelings that they seemed to provide. And yet, I do already have visual and physical evidence of my new belief system well in place even before moving into the Manse.
And so it has been interesting to experience the next level of my letting go of what I thought meant something that I needed to hold onto. The next level of my knowing that my awareness is always within me….including the memories and the feelings. The things don’t need to matter. And so I let them go with gratitude for what they have meant. And I let them go with some trepidation and fear.
Is something really going away from me? Hmm…..