I really do need to get a proper MP3 player. My old cell phone with the memory chip in it has been fine for a little while, but I’d like something that fits a lot more music so that I can have a wider range of musical styles available at any time. Having said that….on my way home from work this morning, I chose a recording I have not listened to in a while. The CD is called “Under Rug Swept” by Alanis Morissette. I remember the first time Mike showed me the disc, and I glanced over the lyrics, I was amazed at the lady’s apparent magick of having looked into my experience and writing about it. A few of the songs resonated that much. I couldn’t wait to hear it…and I loved it, of course.
One song that resonated well is called “Precious Illusions”. At the time that this recording was released and I heard it (2002), this song spoke to me of that which I knew fairly well at the time. It spoke of beliefs, perspectives, and understandings that we have had in our lives that at one time served a purpose…but now no longer to, and it’s time to release them, no matter how scary that is. I understood that, and I believe that at that time, I had begun some of that work in my own experience. Listening to it again today resonated differently. I think more so than it did 11 years ago. As of today, I have been consciously identifying illusions and beginning to release them on that focused level. The most recent has been at a physical level even, because my body has actually been telling me that this final big illusion is no longer physically wanted.
At this point, I’d like to share the song with you. Then we can proceed a little more. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbfL0fxexU0
Ok now….what do you think? Some of my own illusions that have protected me and felt comfortably familiar for so long have been ones such as I am not good enough…..I don’t deserve better….I don’t have as much to offer as everyone else….my family of origin hates me…..alcohol will help to numb this shit and make me not care….I can eat all I want – no one wants me romantically anyway….I’m not sexy or attractive….I’ll never go anywhere….my friends really don’t like me as much as they do each other….and on and on. In short, anything that felt protective, familiar, or safe that has been here since childhood or even early adulthood IS….AN….ILLUSION. It is not real. Oh, and I’m also really good at coming from a place within of fear and insecurity and pain and in my own mind, creating an entire scenario of what will happen regarding a given situation. I can see it play out in my head….most of the time with me on the defensive. I create whole events that have not happened in reality, and I have actually responded to them. Talk about illusion! I’ve been the best mind reader I know, because I put thoughts into other people’s heads, and then read them clear as a bell!
This is why I love so much a quote from Abraham….’Worrying is using your imagination to create what you don’t want.”. RIGHT?! That sure made clear sense to me, both the first time I read it, and every time I read it or speak it. Creating what I don’t want! And I have realized in recent years who I learned that from by observing them doing it. That helped it make even more sense to me.
In recent years, I have learned to use that same power for good, not for evil. I have begun to dare to envision those things which I actually do want that are good for me. That are in my better interest. That actually feel good. Such use of this power got me to Ireland. It has gotten me the Manse. It has been, and is, bringing much more of what gets me back on my intended purpose in this lifetime. It gets me to appreciate and feel gratitude for all the teachers in this life experience – whether the teaching was a pleasant experience or not. And I even have the nerve now to think that I can actually pass on what I have been learning to others who may actually resonate with it, or have some helpful purpose for it. Seriously?! Yes, indeedy-do-dah! I mean….yes, indeed. The student is also becoming a teacher. What an experience. But moving into this leg of my journey would not be happening if I had not yet really, seriously began to let go of the illusions. Let me share with you my first conscious exercise in doing this work. When I was experiencing ‘monkey mind’, or these very dramatic scenarios unfolding in my head, I would stop, and I would look at one thing. Any thing. A cup. The shower curtain, if I was in the shower. My cell phone. Any thing at all. I would look at that one thing, and I would say “This is all there is at this moment. There is no future – it hasn’t happened. There is no past – it is completely and gone. There is only this object right now at this moment…which is the only moment in this moment.”. I found this to be highly centering and grounding. And the illusions went away. They still do when I do this exercise. And yes, I still do it. But now, I also call in the help of others as well, if I need it. They are always there to lend some Love and Light to the moment. Is doing this work challenging? Is releasing the illusions and seeing what really is frightening? F*#@ yes!! Of course it is! Don’t think that it won’t be…but now I even welcome going into the fear, and I definitely, in those moments, call for spiritual back up. And it always arrives, and that helps keep me going.
I hope it is not an illusion that folks will post a response to these thoughts/moments. And Love and Light to you all!
These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless. And parting with them is like parting with invisible friends.